The Phrases from A Dad That Saved Us as a New Dad

"In my view I was merely trying to survive for twelve months."

One-time Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey expected to manage the demands of fatherhood.

But the reality quickly turned out to be "utterly different" to his expectations.

Life-threatening health complications during the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. Abruptly he was thrust into becoming her chief support as well as taking care of their newborn son Leo.

"I was doing every night time, every nappy change… every stroll. The duty of mother and father," Ryan explained.

After 11 months he became exhausted. That was when a conversation with his parent, on a public seat, that led him to understand he required support.

The simple statement "You're not in a good place. You must get some help. In what way can I support you?" created an opening for Ryan to express himself truthfully, ask for help and regain his footing.

His story is not uncommon, but infrequently talked about. Although the public is now more accustomed to talking about the stress on mothers and about postpartum depression, less is said about the struggles dads go through.

'It's not weak to ask for help

Ryan believes his struggles are symptomatic of a wider inability to communicate amongst men, who still hold onto negative notions of manhood.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the rock that just gets smashed and remains standing every time."

"It's not a display of being weak to seek help. I was too slow to do that quick enough," he clarifies.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist focusing on mental health surrounding childbirth, notes men often don't want to admit they're struggling.

They can think they are "not a legitimate person to be asking for help" - most notably in preference to a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental well-being is equally important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad offered him the opportunity to take a pause - spending a few days abroad, separate from the domestic setting, to gain perspective.

He understood he required a adjustment to focus on his and his partner's feelings in addition to the logistical chores of caring for a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she needed" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That epiphany has reshaped how Ryan sees fatherhood.

He's now penning Leo regular notes about his journey as a dad, which he hopes his son will read as he grows up.

Ryan thinks these will help his son better understand the expression of emotional life and understand his parenting choices.

The idea of "parenting yourself" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen did not have consistent male guidance. Even with having an "amazing" connection with his dad, profound emotional pain meant his father struggled to cope and was "in and out" of his life, complicating their relationship.

Stephen says repressing emotions resulted in him make "bad actions" when younger to modify how he was feeling, seeking comfort in substance use as escapism from the pain.

"You find your way to behaviours that don't help," he says. "They may briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will eventually exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Getting By as a New Dad

• Open up to someone - when you are under pressure, confide in a family member, your partner or a therapist what you're going through. Doing so may to reduce the stress and make you feel more supported.
• Maintain your passions - keep doing the pursuits that made you feel like you before becoming a parent. It could be exercising, socialising or gaming.
• Pay attention to the physical stuff - a good diet, getting some exercise and when you can, resting, all contribute in how your emotional health is coping.
• Meet other new dads - sharing their stories, the challenges, and also the joys, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Remember that asking for help isn't failing - looking after you is the optimal method you can look after your family.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly had difficulty processing the death, having had no contact with him for many years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his own son and instead provide the security and emotional guidance he missed out on.

When his son is about to have a outburst, for example, they practise "shaking the feelings out" together - processing the emotions safely.

Each of Ryan and Stephen state they have become better, healthier men since they faced their pain, altered how they communicate, and taught themselves to manage themselves for their kids.

"I am now more capable of… processing things and dealing with things," states Stephen.

"I wrote that in a letter to Leo last week," Ryan says. "I said, at times I feel like my role is to teach and advise you how to behave, but in reality, it's a two-way conversation. I am understanding as much as you are in this journey."